Gwinnett Coaching 

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What is a Family Coach?   

 

I really wish that we'd had a family coach when my kids were growing up.  We sure could have used one.  Because hindsight is 20/20, I know exactly where we went wrong and boy, were we out there!  If we would have had a good family coach, he/she would have had quite a talk with my husband and I.  There were so many things that we were doing (and not doing) that led to a lot of dysfunction in our home.  I'll give the "Reader's Digest" version at the end of the page.

Very few "family coaches" are adequately trained

There are very few family coaches that are genuinely trained in family systems.  It takes a lot more than just hanging your shingle out and calling yourself a Family Coach.  Many coaches will just "side" with the parents and try to get the kids to comply.  That's not what it's all about.  The training I received was a graduate level training by a company that specialized in coaching families and troubled teens.  If your coach doesn't have a genuine training certification from a school that specializes in this area, you may not be getting the level of assistance that you need for a whole and healthy family.

A kid that "acts out" is the symptom of what's really going on in the home.

Unfortunately, there are so many influences on the American family right now, and we've pretty much lost any functionality that we might have had even 20 years ago.  The amount of technology that our kids use is mind-boggling.  Then when you add on the television, games, test pressures, sports pressures and more, they're a walking bottle of Coke with a Mento thrown in!!  I won't even mention the cell phone.

What can a Coach do for the family? 

The first thing I do with families (and office teams and individuals for that matter) is to define our values.  Values are consciously chosen guiding principles for every area of our lives to be lived at all times.  Values are non-negotiable!!  Picture a flashlight.  Our values are like a flashlight - they guide us through all of the stuff that goes on so that we'll know how to handle it.  We have to sort through whether it's our "parent stuff" or our "values" that are being stepped on when we're making decisions on discipline and consequences. 

What VALUES look like in the home

I remember when my daughter had moved back in and informed me that since she was 20, that she should be able to come in at any time she pleased.  Well, my first reaction was to tell her "my home, my rules".  But, because we've grown beyond that, I chose to use the values instead.  So I ran through my list... Immoral?  No.  Unethical?  No.  Illegal?  No.  Then I ran through the values (our family values are Respect, Honesty and Integrity)... Respectful? No.  There it was.  It wasn't respectful because coming in at any hour meant that we would be woken by barking dogs when someone was coming in the door at 2:00 a.m.  What was really going on was that my "mom stuff" was kicking in.  No one wants their kid out at 2 in the morning when nothing good is happening. 

A couple days later, my daughter came back and brought up the subject again.  She said she had it all figured out.  Her solution was to move into the basement.  That way, the dogs wouldn't hear her coming in the door.  I ran through my list again - and unfortunately (for me), it weighed in her favor.  It wasn't against any family values.  And I choose not to impose my "mom stuff" on her.  So, she moved into the basement.  Without any heat.  In the middle of winter.  But, she made it work.  I wasn't going to bend on the values - remember that they're non-negotiable.  They're made of steel.  Even though she would be cold, it was her choice.  She had the choice to live where it was heated as long as she wanted to live within the values.  But she stayed within the values to have what she wanted.  That was a WIN!! 

The next thing you learn is how to set BOUNDARIES

While values are pretty straight forward, boundaries are a little more confusing sometimes.  If I drive down my street, the city has drawn the boundaries for me by covering them in black pavement.  Now, I "could" drive down the sidewalk, but the city drew the boundaries with the pavement and by putting a sidewalk in with a pretty steep curb.  Yes, I could hop the curb, but it's not going to be comfortable, and I may pop a tire.  That's what I get for trying to cross the boundaries.  Boundaries keep us safe, and on the right path.  Aren't you thankful that there are concrete barricades on the freeway between the opposite directions of traffic? 

So... what if those were made of rubber bands? 

Even though there's a "boundary" drawn, it's only held by a loose, stretchy substance that only has a so-so chance of holding the oncoming vehicle back... but it's still going to come through on your side.  When parents hold what I call "rubber band boundaries", the kids aren't very clear as to how far they can go before they cross the line.  How much disrespect?  How big of a lie?  How much past curfew?  Disrespect is disrespect, a lie is a lie and late is late.  PARENTS are the ones that have to hold those boundaries.  That is what creates a safe space for the family to live and grow ... and it's what creates trust.

... and last but not least, the RULES 

Rules are individual to the family.  Your family can figure out the rules depending on the personality and beliefs in your home.  Some parents have a curfew of 8:00 p.m. for teens, and some have a curfew of 10:00.  The rules are up to you and sometimes the kids are able to make requests regarding the rules.  They are NOT non-negotiable.  There may (and will) be circumstances where the rules have to be bent or broken depending on the situation.  Say 8:00 is the rule for curfew, but the football game won't be over until 8:30, making 9:00 the time your teen would get home.  This is where, if you choose, you can bend the rule with a prior agreement.   Agreements, communication, circumstances, etc., are all things that must be discussed to have a happy and healthy environment. 

So, those are the big things... Values, Boundaries and Rules

But, here are some truths about families that are elements of getting a solid system in place:

  • Families are a unique collection of past experiences, personalities and ages
  • Families are whole and complete - operational awareness is the key
  • There is no such thing as failure - only feedback
  • Having a choice is better than having no choice
  • The meaining of your communication is the response you get
  • The element with the least engagement in the family will be the controlling element
  • People always make the best choice available to them at the time
  • For every negative action, there is a positive intent
  • Every behavior is useful in some context
  • Families already have all the resources they need
  • Every family operates as a single unit even though each member is different

And of course, communication, accountablity, clarity, victim mentality, emotions, choices, responsibility, creativity, barriers, outcomes, attitudes, friends, goals, dreams and so much more are part of the process. 

Anything and everything is possible!! 

 

Phone and Online Coaching is Available!

email

First, most people love phone coaching.  You don't have to go anywhere, get ready or go out in the rain.  You get to talk with me in the comfort of your own home, office or where ever you are at the time. 

I have a 100% Happiness Guarantee! 

Before we start the coaching process with phone coaching, we'll have a "trial spin" where I only charge you $79 for a 45 minute trial.  You will call me at the appointment time, and we'll talk for 45 minutes.  If you don't get something from that trial spin, I'll refund all $49 and my feelings won't be hurt.  This way, there is no risk for you.  I'm not for everyone.  If you decide to go forward, that's awesome, if not, that's okay too.  I have different packages available for phone coaching, depending on the type and your situation.  I'm not cheap, but I'm absolutely worth it (see the testimonials)!  I absolutely expect you to work - hard!  I will hold you accountable for follow through on your assignments and challenges.  I'm not always going to tell you what you want to hear.  With that being said, and if I haven't scared you off yet, I do attempt to make it as cost-effective as I can for you.  And don't forget the happiness guarantee ... it's always there!  To sign up for online coaching email me at lynn@gwinnettcoaching.com.

Online coaching 

As with everything I do, this carries a "100% Happiness Guarantee" as well. I have a trial module for everyone that is considering online coaching - a full week of online coaching around the trial module!  It's $49.  If, after completing the trial module you don't think that online coaching is going to work for you, just let me know and I'll happily refund your money, no questions asked.  Again, no risk!  I'm always available by email to my online clients.  What it looks like is that you will receive a module where there will be a lesson, then some questions that I will ask you.  Then you send the answers back and we will go back and forth regarding your answers refining the concept until you receive the next module the following week.  This way, you can do your modules whenever it's best for you, even if that's 2:00 a.m.  Sometimes the going get's tough... That's where the changes occur.  And that's why I stay available via email for online clients.  You won't have to wait til the next week for answers... it's always an on-going dialog.

Questions?  Email me!  lynn@gwinnettcoaching.com

How do I go about signing up for regular Coaching?

Just email me at lynn@gwinnettcoaching.com 

 

 

Testimonials:

...Lynn's background was a great value to the class!

...The class was a great value for the cost.

...I never got sleepy or fidgety during the class! It was a great value.

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